I will forever be.....
This is the last Birthday card I received from my precious son......August 2008
This is the Birthday card I gave Rick when he turned 18. His wife Debra found it and was nice enough to send it to me.....
October 23, 2009
Last night I dreamed of Rick. He has been gone now for 10 months and I have only dreamed of him 3 times. The first 2 dreams were a couple of weeks after his death and both times I was standing behind his casket. In one of those I was fighting off people that were trying to take pictures of him. Last night I dreamed that I was in the car with my husband Jim. It was as if we were at the airport waiting for someone. Then all of a sudden Jim says "there he is" and I see Rick running for the car. I jump out the door and there he is. Smiling so big, so glad to see me, he put his arms around me and we hugged and hugged. I could feel my arms around him, I can still feel my arms around him......I did not want to wake up. If only I could have that dream every night, it was such a beautiful dream....
Momma loves you darling and I always will. My heart is broken without you but I will see you soon in Heaven.
Last night I dreamed of Rick. He has been gone now for 10 months and I have only dreamed of him 3 times. The first 2 dreams were a couple of weeks after his death and both times I was standing behind his casket. In one of those I was fighting off people that were trying to take pictures of him. Last night I dreamed that I was in the car with my husband Jim. It was as if we were at the airport waiting for someone. Then all of a sudden Jim says "there he is" and I see Rick running for the car. I jump out the door and there he is. Smiling so big, so glad to see me, he put his arms around me and we hugged and hugged. I could feel my arms around him, I can still feel my arms around him......I did not want to wake up. If only I could have that dream every night, it was such a beautiful dream....
Momma loves you darling and I always will. My heart is broken without you but I will see you soon in Heaven.
Remembering By Elizabeth Dent
Go ahead and mention my child
The one that died,
You know
Don't worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry
I'm already crying inside
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent
Pretending it doesn't exist
I'd rather you'd mention my child
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I'm doing.
I say "Pretty good" or "fine"
But healing is something on-going
I feel it will take a lifetime.
Go ahead and mention my child
The one that died,
You know
Don't worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry
I'm already crying inside
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent
Pretending it doesn't exist
I'd rather you'd mention my child
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I'm doing.
I say "Pretty good" or "fine"
But healing is something on-going
I feel it will take a lifetime.
I love you so very much Rick and I will never, ever forget you! You were the best son any mother was ever lucky enough to have and I was so blessed that you were mine. You were the best part of my life. I just wish we had more time together. We had so many things left to do together. That is why I bought the place on the river so I could be close to you. I wish so desperately that God had taken me and not you. You had so much to live for but I guess God needed a special angel. Save a place for me as I hope so much to see you soon. I will always love you baby, you are in my heart.........Momma
This letter is from Rick's Aunt Phyllis. Phyllis and Bea have no children of their own. Rick stayed at their house many times over the years and they couldn't have loved him any more if he was their own....Bea has been disable for the last few years and he and Rick became very close as Bea spent alot of time helping on the farm and looking after Rick's cattle which he is still doing......... Thank you Phyllis and Bea for loving my son........
----------------------------------------
While strolling thru “His Garden” God chose our special “Rose” for “His” bouquet. Unfortunately one “He” only let us borrow for a while. A stem we may think was cut to short. I thank God and feel honored for this “Rose” to have bloomed in our lives. We were Blessed! With a sunny and bubbling personality, a smiling face and a care free spirit of peace. Those of us that share this special connection can call ourselves the lucky ones, because our “Rose” is a gift we can all treasure. Of course our hearts are shattered, but one thing for sure we can proudly wear those scars upon our hearts, forever engraved with the “Finger of God” written with qualities, all wrapped up with a unique love like no other. Life is not our own, but we will always share a spirit filled with memories never to be measured by man. Our promise to you, we will look after Debra & Walker. My ‘lil’ man holds a very special corner deep in my heart. God showed me I have been selfish, thinking only of my own hurt, when I look inside the eyes of an eleven year old, I thought of his own personal crisis, there won’t be any shortcuts of emotional healing for any of us. No one will ever fill the shoes of his idol and hero. We probably will never understand what is going on in his ‘lil’ tender mind. Thank God of his maturity, he’s wise beyond his years. I just pray for God to cushion his life, we just got to put our Faith and Trust in the Lord. He has been a Friend to Bea and me over the years, when we thought each one of our situations happened, we couldn’t go on, but He was always there for us. I know, there’s no doubt in my mind, “He” will take care of you all. Maybe one day when we are pondering in our minds and have drifted a million miles away “He” will gently whisper in our ear and softly say, “This is why I chose your “Rose” for my Bouquet” My heart will always be open with the same love as before, anytime you need a friend, I am here with unlimited time.
Always Love & Prayers
Bea & Phyllis
----------------------------------------
While strolling thru “His Garden” God chose our special “Rose” for “His” bouquet. Unfortunately one “He” only let us borrow for a while. A stem we may think was cut to short. I thank God and feel honored for this “Rose” to have bloomed in our lives. We were Blessed! With a sunny and bubbling personality, a smiling face and a care free spirit of peace. Those of us that share this special connection can call ourselves the lucky ones, because our “Rose” is a gift we can all treasure. Of course our hearts are shattered, but one thing for sure we can proudly wear those scars upon our hearts, forever engraved with the “Finger of God” written with qualities, all wrapped up with a unique love like no other. Life is not our own, but we will always share a spirit filled with memories never to be measured by man. Our promise to you, we will look after Debra & Walker. My ‘lil’ man holds a very special corner deep in my heart. God showed me I have been selfish, thinking only of my own hurt, when I look inside the eyes of an eleven year old, I thought of his own personal crisis, there won’t be any shortcuts of emotional healing for any of us. No one will ever fill the shoes of his idol and hero. We probably will never understand what is going on in his ‘lil’ tender mind. Thank God of his maturity, he’s wise beyond his years. I just pray for God to cushion his life, we just got to put our Faith and Trust in the Lord. He has been a Friend to Bea and me over the years, when we thought each one of our situations happened, we couldn’t go on, but He was always there for us. I know, there’s no doubt in my mind, “He” will take care of you all. Maybe one day when we are pondering in our minds and have drifted a million miles away “He” will gently whisper in our ear and softly say, “This is why I chose your “Rose” for my Bouquet” My heart will always be open with the same love as before, anytime you need a friend, I am here with unlimited time.
Always Love & Prayers
Bea & Phyllis
This Sunday, May 9, 2010 will be my second mother's day without my wonderful son. Last year was the first and I barely remember the day. The only thing I do remember is being at Jim's mom's house and crying as she put her arms around me. Thanks so much for being there Mom! This mother's day will be even harder as reality has convinced me that Rick is not coming back.........I love you Rick with all my heart. I will still wait for your call on Mother's Day......
From: Nancy Mathews
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, February 04, 2011 7:53 AM
Subject: Rick Baumgardner
Dear Ed,
Where do I begin? I guess I should start by introducing myself….My name is Nancy and I am Rick’s mom. I found your website yesterday by accident. I saw you post a Happy Birthday to Walker on Facebook and I checked you out as I am always trying to find people that knew Rick. Imagine my surprise when I went to your website and saw “Rick’s Page” You cannot begin to know the joy I felt as I read about my wonderful son, and Rick was just that, pretty wonderful in every way. I am so glad you had a chance to meet and get to know him. He loved your campground and Big South Fork. When he was growing up we spent our vacation every summer camping and riding horses. In the early days we would spend a week on a wagon train with lots of people. Later on we started going to Mount Rogers where we would stay for a week riding the trails in the mountain. Rick knew all of them! When Rick was about 10 he was riding a newly broken colt on Mount Rogers when a deer jumped up and ran. The rest of the guys took off after the deer and of course Rick’s little horse took off too. Well the saddle came loose and Rick was thrown. He broke his arm and it took 30 plus stitches to close up the cut over his eye. There was one rock sticking out of the ground where he fell and of course he hit it. I can still take you to it today! Anyway he healed and was ready to be back on his horse before the cast was off his arm. His best friend in the world was his horse named Ladd. Laddie died a couple of years before Rick did and he was devastated over the loss. Rick loved coming to Big South Fork! He talked about it all the time and loved showing me pictures of the trips they took down there. His did get to take his son Walker on one camping trip before he died. Walker has been back with Debra since then and he loves it too!
I am sure you have probably seen it already but if not I would like for you to take a look at the website I put together for Rick in the weeks right after his death. It will give you a little more insight on what a wonderful person my baby was! He was my only child and I will never get over loosing him. Keeping his memory alive is what I strive for now and to find a page about him on your website was like finding a diamond in the mud. It is truly a precious gem….His website is www.rickloveofourlife.com
I hope one to make it to Saddle Valley Campground as I would love to meet you and see the wonderful places that Rick told me about. Again, Ed there are just not enough words to express the joy that your page gave me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
May God truly, truly bless you and your family!!
Nancy
Nancy M. Mathews
Administrative Assistant
Master Pools Guild, Inc.
9601 Gayton Road
Suite 101
Richmond, Virginia 23238
-------------------------
From: Ed Elam [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 9:36 PM
To: Nancy Mathews
Subject: Re: Rick Baumgardner
Hi Nancy,
Thanks for writing to me. You have the right to be very proud of your son. Rick was a good man. I wish I had the chance to know him better. Our friendship was very limited in a lot of ways, yet we were close as brothers in other ways. Our love of horses and being outdoors just to be with nature, and being able to ride for hours on end, and still be ready for more goes farther can be explained. Debra, Walker, are very special people to us, we always looked forward to Rick's call to let us know he was on the way. He pretty much had a standing reservation, he would come to ride, and ride he did. We feel as Debra is part of our family, she and Walker will always be welcomed at Saddle Valley, as well as in my house and at my table.
I am honored that you took the time to write to me. I had thought about taking the page down, but , I find myself looking at it from time to time, and I am glad you found it. I have had other people comment that they would have like to have met Rick, I'm sorry they did not get the chance. Thank you for sharing the story of Rick and Ladd. It brought back memories of when I was 14, I broke a leg riding a motorcycle, the doctors were horrified to find out that I was ridng my horse (Bear) with a full length cast on my leg. I sent Debra all the pictures I had, and I know you have seen some of them, as the one of Rick singing is one taken at Saddle Valley, if you think there may be some you don't have, I'll send you what I have, if you would like, but you probably have them.
If it's OK with you, I'll add you to my address book, and you will receive information about upcoming rides at Saddle Valley, and it may give you reason to smile, thinking that Rick would be thinking about how he could make it. We would love to have you visit, you would be welcomed with open arms. Thanks again for writing, please keep in touch.
Ed Elam
SVC
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, February 04, 2011 7:53 AM
Subject: Rick Baumgardner
Dear Ed,
Where do I begin? I guess I should start by introducing myself….My name is Nancy and I am Rick’s mom. I found your website yesterday by accident. I saw you post a Happy Birthday to Walker on Facebook and I checked you out as I am always trying to find people that knew Rick. Imagine my surprise when I went to your website and saw “Rick’s Page” You cannot begin to know the joy I felt as I read about my wonderful son, and Rick was just that, pretty wonderful in every way. I am so glad you had a chance to meet and get to know him. He loved your campground and Big South Fork. When he was growing up we spent our vacation every summer camping and riding horses. In the early days we would spend a week on a wagon train with lots of people. Later on we started going to Mount Rogers where we would stay for a week riding the trails in the mountain. Rick knew all of them! When Rick was about 10 he was riding a newly broken colt on Mount Rogers when a deer jumped up and ran. The rest of the guys took off after the deer and of course Rick’s little horse took off too. Well the saddle came loose and Rick was thrown. He broke his arm and it took 30 plus stitches to close up the cut over his eye. There was one rock sticking out of the ground where he fell and of course he hit it. I can still take you to it today! Anyway he healed and was ready to be back on his horse before the cast was off his arm. His best friend in the world was his horse named Ladd. Laddie died a couple of years before Rick did and he was devastated over the loss. Rick loved coming to Big South Fork! He talked about it all the time and loved showing me pictures of the trips they took down there. His did get to take his son Walker on one camping trip before he died. Walker has been back with Debra since then and he loves it too!
I am sure you have probably seen it already but if not I would like for you to take a look at the website I put together for Rick in the weeks right after his death. It will give you a little more insight on what a wonderful person my baby was! He was my only child and I will never get over loosing him. Keeping his memory alive is what I strive for now and to find a page about him on your website was like finding a diamond in the mud. It is truly a precious gem….His website is www.rickloveofourlife.com
I hope one to make it to Saddle Valley Campground as I would love to meet you and see the wonderful places that Rick told me about. Again, Ed there are just not enough words to express the joy that your page gave me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
May God truly, truly bless you and your family!!
Nancy
Nancy M. Mathews
Administrative Assistant
Master Pools Guild, Inc.
9601 Gayton Road
Suite 101
Richmond, Virginia 23238
-------------------------
From: Ed Elam [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 9:36 PM
To: Nancy Mathews
Subject: Re: Rick Baumgardner
Hi Nancy,
Thanks for writing to me. You have the right to be very proud of your son. Rick was a good man. I wish I had the chance to know him better. Our friendship was very limited in a lot of ways, yet we were close as brothers in other ways. Our love of horses and being outdoors just to be with nature, and being able to ride for hours on end, and still be ready for more goes farther can be explained. Debra, Walker, are very special people to us, we always looked forward to Rick's call to let us know he was on the way. He pretty much had a standing reservation, he would come to ride, and ride he did. We feel as Debra is part of our family, she and Walker will always be welcomed at Saddle Valley, as well as in my house and at my table.
I am honored that you took the time to write to me. I had thought about taking the page down, but , I find myself looking at it from time to time, and I am glad you found it. I have had other people comment that they would have like to have met Rick, I'm sorry they did not get the chance. Thank you for sharing the story of Rick and Ladd. It brought back memories of when I was 14, I broke a leg riding a motorcycle, the doctors were horrified to find out that I was ridng my horse (Bear) with a full length cast on my leg. I sent Debra all the pictures I had, and I know you have seen some of them, as the one of Rick singing is one taken at Saddle Valley, if you think there may be some you don't have, I'll send you what I have, if you would like, but you probably have them.
If it's OK with you, I'll add you to my address book, and you will receive information about upcoming rides at Saddle Valley, and it may give you reason to smile, thinking that Rick would be thinking about how he could make it. We would love to have you visit, you would be welcomed with open arms. Thanks again for writing, please keep in touch.
Ed Elam
SVC
From Our Precious Children - To The World
Hey World - When the rest of you are celebrating Mother's day - with all your gifts and cards,
I'm wondering if you would please remember, My Mom - because it's still so hard.......
It may seem to you that my Mom's had plenty of time -
To do her grieving and to adjust and to get me off her mind.
But what you may not understand is that for her it's never over,
and with Mother's Day approaching it makes things that much harder.
From Us - To Our Precious Children
Oh, my precious child, how I miss you, how my heart still breaks into -
When I think of all my Mother's Days now are spent here without you.
How I wish you were here with me so I can feel your sweet, kind touch,
And share my Mother's Day with you, for I love and miss you so very much.
From Our Precious Children - To Us
Oh, Momma, don't you know by now, I know just how you feel,
But know for sure within your soul, our love is still very real.
Mom, I would like to say some things and make it crystal clear,
That although I'm not with you in bodily form, I'm really very near.
So, Happy Mother's Day, from heaven Momma, I just wanted you to know,
You are still the best mother in the whole wide world, and I still love you so.
Now listen very closely to me, Mom - It's important that you show,
To those you come in contact with, so that the world will know.
That when I left the world below and came to heaven above,
I brought with me all our good memories and your sweet motherly love.
So, when the rest of the world is celebrating Mother's Day, with all their children who are still there,
You and I can still hold each other close in the "secret world" we share.
For I live on in every memory that resides within your heart,
and even death cannot separate us or cause our love to part.
So, my gift to you this Mother's Day is one that cannot be seen,
but it comes wrapped with tissues of love, and sent on angels' wings.
I am sending you hugs and kisses and words of love that say -
"To the best mother in the whole wide world,"
"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY"
~ By Faye McCord, in honor of all Bereaved Mothers ~ in Memory of all our Children ~
~ and in loving memory of my son, Lane McCord (1/26/65 - 9/13/98)
[email protected]
Jackson, MS
Hey World - When the rest of you are celebrating Mother's day - with all your gifts and cards,
I'm wondering if you would please remember, My Mom - because it's still so hard.......
It may seem to you that my Mom's had plenty of time -
To do her grieving and to adjust and to get me off her mind.
But what you may not understand is that for her it's never over,
and with Mother's Day approaching it makes things that much harder.
From Us - To Our Precious Children
Oh, my precious child, how I miss you, how my heart still breaks into -
When I think of all my Mother's Days now are spent here without you.
How I wish you were here with me so I can feel your sweet, kind touch,
And share my Mother's Day with you, for I love and miss you so very much.
From Our Precious Children - To Us
Oh, Momma, don't you know by now, I know just how you feel,
But know for sure within your soul, our love is still very real.
Mom, I would like to say some things and make it crystal clear,
That although I'm not with you in bodily form, I'm really very near.
So, Happy Mother's Day, from heaven Momma, I just wanted you to know,
You are still the best mother in the whole wide world, and I still love you so.
Now listen very closely to me, Mom - It's important that you show,
To those you come in contact with, so that the world will know.
That when I left the world below and came to heaven above,
I brought with me all our good memories and your sweet motherly love.
So, when the rest of the world is celebrating Mother's Day, with all their children who are still there,
You and I can still hold each other close in the "secret world" we share.
For I live on in every memory that resides within your heart,
and even death cannot separate us or cause our love to part.
So, my gift to you this Mother's Day is one that cannot be seen,
but it comes wrapped with tissues of love, and sent on angels' wings.
I am sending you hugs and kisses and words of love that say -
"To the best mother in the whole wide world,"
"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY"
~ By Faye McCord, in honor of all Bereaved Mothers ~ in Memory of all our Children ~
~ and in loving memory of my son, Lane McCord (1/26/65 - 9/13/98)
[email protected]
Jackson, MS
June 10, 2015....for the longest time I had a really hard time looking at pictures of you Ricky Dean and now that I have been working on this, your new website, it seems as if I can't get enough. I am obsessed with getting this website redone and it has to be perfect (so it will probably never be finished) but it has give me a new reason, I guess, for looking at your pictures. I could look at them 24 hours a day if I could......I love you so very much my sweet boy and I miss you still with every beat of my heart ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
The following is a note that I left for Rick after a weekend visit.....no more than 2 years before he left....
December 3, 2015.....wow, it is hard to believe that it has almost been 7 years since you left. As I sit here today all I can think about is you. Tuesday the 8th is the day you had the stroke....it is so hard to go on without you. I know you are in Heaven now and I know you are happy. Debra told me she had a dream of you a few months ago. She said you were teasingly laughing at all of us for missing you so bad because you were so happy. She had sent me this picture that she saw in Abingdon....I miss you so very much my precious boy.....